Being Fat

Being overweight is something that I actually don’t mind being

It has served several purposes for me, one of which is to filtre out shallow people. To anyone who counts, what matters is the quality of you as a person, not the quantity of you

I used to be active in organized SF fandom and a friend of mine lost 100 pounds and she was very distressed that the guys who had been friendly and behaved like older brothers to her suddenly began to indicate sexual interest in her. It distressed her because she was still the same person, just in a smaller package and her distress at the change in other people’s behavior resulted in her gaining back the weight, plus more.

I became overweight as a teenager, depression driven – we had moved from the city to a rural area and the culture shock, having to start over making friends and resetting the family dynamic was major factors

My mom, well meaning to encourage me – to identify a goal to connect to losing weight, would say things like you won’t get a boyfriend if you’re fat

I expect that even though I wasn’t yet out to myself that I was a lesbian, on some level, I became fat to make sure I didn’t get what I didn’t want, but at the time, I think I might have thought that it would make sure if I got one, it was a good keeper one.

Genetic play a role and really, I think it’s more the stress of being fat than being fat that is the cause of health problems; when you consider that less fatphobic countries do not have the same health problems as in US/Canada.

It’s a difficult message and why eating is such a messed up thing, both over and under eating.

We eat to self-comfort, to rebel against the social norms and rules, to self-punish – often rarely enjoying what we eat, even as we keep one eye on the food and another out to see what can be next.

There not a lot of messages and self-talk that we get about ourselves that is positive – we are surrounded by advertising and the basis of advertising is no longer to explain the advantages and benefits of a product, but to create a need, a desire where none existed before – to say that we are not enough unless we have the product. We aren’t nice or sexy enough or deserving of sex unless we use the product – which is a lot of pressure given that most products have no utility during sex or in directly obtaining sex.

So, given that the scripts and self-talk and messages we give ourselves are untrue – why not make them positive instead of the usual negative – that we are good enough, that we are deserving and worthwhile – because when you hear and accept a message, it will be true over time – and a positive message will at least serve us and our needs in the long run in a way that negative self-talk never will.

7 thoughts on “Being Fat

  1. What is not so often known and said, and that you point out nicely from the start, is that being fat doesn’t always come from eating too much or the wrong things, as is believed and constantly repeated by most everybody, particularly all the media and the ‘slim down’ business.
    I can also bear testimony to the fact that one can very well grow fat to avoid being sexy, if for any personal reason one really doesn’t want to be sexually attractive.
    This kind of post is really useful, in that it debunks superficial affirmations that are too easily accepted as universal Truth – Truth having to be always exactly the same for everybody of course… which is the main false truth to be debunked!!!

    • not to mention that being fat also doesn’t mean you’re not sexy and attractive.

      certainly it is a recent thing that thin is deemed attractive, when historically, large hips and breasts were and are fertility indicators

      I think that it’s telling that the features that are deemed attractive have shifted from fertility to mere sexualization

      • Even now, large breasts and comfortable buttocks are in actuaiity very appreciated. It is mostly in the fashion business that they ask the models to be skinny; in sexy magazines, the girls are definitely not skinny!…And you are right, anyway it all depends on the person’s own way to be attractive, or not, independently of being fat of thin or whatever…

  2. I think as an overweight parent, with self confidence..I am teaching my child more! She loves me for me, she understands that to love someone, does not mean they have to be a ‘model’ of society! That there are so many differences in this world and we are all so amazing! My Daughter hugs me, holds me and says I am beautiful, cuddly and so smart! To her, she says I am so amazing and funny and loving! If, she should ever, ever become ashamed of me for my size, would mean, I failed…as a parent (and friend) to teach her ‘acceptance’ and ‘openess’!

  3. Interesting post and worthwhile topic. It’s been said before, but we are conditioned every day to desire a body style that is impossible for most of us to attain. No matter how hard I try, I will never look like a Greek statue. If I worked out 3 hours a day and ate a vegan diet, I’d still be 5’9″ with muscular thighs and a thick chest.

    I fluctuate between 175 and 190 pounds, for the usual reasons. My “ideal” weight, though, is allegedly 158 pounds. A few years back, I had a medical condition that prevented me from eating for 4 or 5 days at a time. It lasted about 10 months. I was literally starving until it was finally resolved through surgery. My lowest weight? 163 pounds. Months of taking in 300 calories a day and I was still “overweight.”

    Good for you for being comfortable with yourself and not obsessing over your “failure” to look like the .0001 percent of the population who end up on the cover of the Victoria’s Secret catalog.

    • I have found that my size had helped me in situations as often as it has hindered in others.

      I had a friend blurt out once, “I just realized you’re fat”

      I said “you’ve known me for years, how did you just notice?”

      he said “you don’t act fat.”

      I don’t apologize with body language for taking up space and I occupy as much as I need, I have used my size as tall people use their height when needed, and I think it gives a certainly solidity to my presence – although, I think I have intimidated people more with my intellect and ethical stance than my physical presence – the combination can be ….well, i guess it depends on which end of it a person is on.

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