Being overweight is something that I actually don’t mind being
It has served several purposes for me, one of which is to filtre out shallow people. To anyone who counts, what matters is the quality of you as a person, not the quantity of you
I used to be active in organized SF fandom and a friend of mine lost 100 pounds and she was very distressed that the guys who had been friendly and behaved like older brothers to her suddenly began to indicate sexual interest in her. It distressed her because she was still the same person, just in a smaller package and her distress at the change in other people’s behavior resulted in her gaining back the weight, plus more.
I became overweight as a teenager, depression driven – we had moved from the city to a rural area and the culture shock, having to start over making friends and resetting the family dynamic was major factors
My mom, well meaning to encourage me – to identify a goal to connect to losing weight, would say things like you won’t get a boyfriend if you’re fat
I expect that even though I wasn’t yet out to myself that I was a lesbian, on some level, I became fat to make sure I didn’t get what I didn’t want, but at the time, I think I might have thought that it would make sure if I got one, it was a good keeper one.
Genetic play a role and really, I think it’s more the stress of being fat than being fat that is the cause of health problems; when you consider that less fatphobic countries do not have the same health problems as in US/Canada.
It’s a difficult message and why eating is such a messed up thing, both over and under eating.
We eat to self-comfort, to rebel against the social norms and rules, to self-punish – often rarely enjoying what we eat, even as we keep one eye on the food and another out to see what can be next.
There not a lot of messages and self-talk that we get about ourselves that is positive – we are surrounded by advertising and the basis of advertising is no longer to explain the advantages and benefits of a product, but to create a need, a desire where none existed before – to say that we are not enough unless we have the product. We aren’t nice or sexy enough or deserving of sex unless we use the product – which is a lot of pressure given that most products have no utility during sex or in directly obtaining sex.
So, given that the scripts and self-talk and messages we give ourselves are untrue – why not make them positive instead of the usual negative – that we are good enough, that we are deserving and worthwhile – because when you hear and accept a message, it will be true over time – and a positive message will at least serve us and our needs in the long run in a way that negative self-talk never will.