Greatest Story Ever Sold

That which can be asserted without evidence, can be dismissed without evidence.

Christopher Hitchens

I think Hitchens should be taken a step further to be that which is asserted without evidence, should be dismissed without consideration.

When claims are implausible on their face and there is no empirical evidence or reality evident, then the details that purport to support the claim are not worthy of undue consideration – especially when they are the stuff of obvious fiction – talking animals or plants, magical clothes or items, magic tricks and mixing actual historical figures and places with leading characters for whom there is no historical basis and these are likely entirely fictional or composites, with stories set in actual places being vague enough to be unclear which time period the story actually occurred in.

That the religions that arose from any given geographical region updated and reused the same story elements over and over, also points to a fictional rather than historical basis for the primary characters:

HORUS

  • Horus was born of the virgin Isis-Merion December 25 in a cave/manger with his birth being announced by a star in the East and attended by three wise men.
  • His earthly father was named “Seb” (“Joseph”).
  • He was of royal descent.
  • At at 12, he was a child teacher in the Temple, and at 30, he was baptized having disappeared for 18 years.
  • Horus was baptized in the river Eridanus or Iarutana (Jordan) by “Anup the Baptizer” (“John the Baptist”), who was decapitated.
  • He had 12 desciples, two of who were his “witnesses” and were named “Anup” and “Aan” (the two “Johns”).
  • He performed miracles, exorcised demons and raised El-Azarus (“El-Osiris” Lazarus in latin), from the dead.
  • Horus walked on water.
  • His personal epithet was “Iusa,” the “ever-becoming son” of “Ptah,” the “Father.” He was thus called “Holy Child.”
  • He delivered a “Sermon on the Mount” and his followers recounted the “Sayings of Iusa.”
  • Horus was transfigured on the Mount.
  • He was crucified between two thieves, buried for three days in a tomb, and resurrected.
  • He was also the “Way, the Truth, the Light,” “Messiah,” “God’s Anointed Son,” “the “Son of Man,” the “Good Shepherd,” the “Lamb of God,” the “Word made flesh,” the “Word of Truth,” etc.
  • He was “the Fisher” and was associated with the Fish (“Ichthys”), Lamb and Lion.
  • He came to fulfill the Law.
  • Horus was called “the KRST,” or “Anointed One.”

MITHRA

  • Mithra was born of a virgin on December 25 in a cave, and his birth was attended by shepherds bearing gifts.
  • He was considered a great traveling teacher and master.
  • He had 12 companions or disciples.
  • Mithra’s followers were promised immortality.
  • He performed miracles.
  • As the “great bull of the Sun,” Mithra sacrificed himself for world peace.
  • He was buried in a tomb and after three days rose again.
  • His resurrection was celebrated every year.
  • He was called “the Good Shepherd” and identified with both the Lamb and the Lion.
  • He was considered the “Way, the Truth and the Light,” and the “Logos,” [Word] “Redeemer,” “Savior” and “Messiah.”
  • His sacred day was Sunday, the “Lord’s Day,” hundreds of years before the appearance of Christ.
  • Mithra had his principal festival on what was later to become Easter.
  • His religion had a Eucharist or “Lord’s Supper,” at which Mithra said, “He who shall not eat of my body nor drink of my blood so that he may be one with me and I with him, shall not be saved.”
  • “His annual sacrifice is the Passover of the Magi, a symbolical atonement of pledge of moral and physical regeneration.”

Furthermore, the Vatican itself is built upon the papacy of Mithra, and the Christian hierarchy is nearly identical to the Mithraic version it replaced …

JESUS

  • born in April by the stories, but his birth is celebrated December 25
  • He was of royal descent.
  • He was considered a great traveling teacher and master.
  • At at 12, he was a child teacher in the Temple, and at 30, he was crucified having disappeared for 18 years.
  • had 12 disciples who were “witnesses” and a betrayer
  • He was crucified between two thieves, buried for three days in a tomb, and resurrected.
  • He was called “the Good Shepherd” and identified with both the Lamb and the Lion.
  • He was considered the “Way, the Truth and the Light,” and the “Logos,” [Word] “Redeemer,” “Savior” and “Messiah.”
  • His religion had a Eucharist or “Lord’s Supper,”
  • He was “the Fisher” and was associated with the Fish
  • and any other items from the above two that I missed

By comparison – and remember, to do this on par, no one can have written anything yet about this future religious figure, but:

Elvis Presley

  • Born in January 8, but adjusting for the shift in calendar, technically December 23
  • His father later told that there was a strange light on the night of his birth
  • Elvis performed on the Tupleo radio program of Mississippi Slim, the technology temple as a child, and placed 5th in the child contest at the state fair
  • rose to fame on SUN records
  • resided in Memphis Tennessee, where he lived like a pharaoh of Memphis Egypt.
  • had a number of immediate followers referred to as the Memphis mafia, most of whom have written books and who lead the opinions of sects within Elvis fandom
  • died young, crucified by the press and critics his entire career of spreading a gospel of equality and individual freedom of expression
  • is associated with the Tiger, as a karate style and song Tigerman
  • engaged in Pascal’s Wager by wearing the religious symbols of multiple faiths to “not miss heaven on a technicality”
  • bestowed blessings in the form of stage worn scarves
  • is believed to be still alive by many followers, and sightings are regularly reported
  • fried peanut butter and banana sandwich is a special food
  • Elvis lead the way in a cultural revolution to unite white and black musical traditions
  • although he never accepted it, was dubbed the King by fans and the media, a title that stuck

___________________________
Mithras and Horus extracts: “The greatest story ever sold” by Acharya S.(Adventures Unlimited 1999) pp 107-123.

4 thoughts on “Greatest Story Ever Sold

  1. That’s quite a list, but let’s make it simple to start: A good number — at least half — are so far are bogus. There has not been a shred of evidence for many of these in any book of Egyptian religion I have thus far consulted.
    “In ancient Egypt there were originally several gods known by the name Horus, but the best known and most important from the beginning of the historic period was the son of Osiris and Isis who was identified with the king of Egypt. According to myth, Osiris, who assumed the rulership of the earth shortly after its creation, was slain by his jealous brother, Seth. The sister- wife of Osiris, Isis, who collected the pieces of her dismembered husband and revived him, also conceived his son and avenger, Horus. Horus fought with Seth, and, despite the loss of one eye in the contest, was successful in avenging the death of his father and in becoming his legitimate successor. Osiris then became king of the dead and Horus king of the living, this transfer being renewed at every change of earthly rule. The myth of divine kingship probably elevated the position of the god as much as it did that of the king. In the fourth dynasty, the king, the living god, may have been one of the greatest gods as well, but by the fifth dynasty the supremacy of the cult of Re, the sun god, was accepted even by the kings. The Horus-king was now also “son of Re.” This was made possible mythologically by personifying the entire older genealogy of Horus (the Heliopolitan ennead) as the goddess Hathor, “house of Horus,” who was also the spouse of Re and mother of Horus.
    “Horus was usually represented as a falcon, and one view of him was as a great sky god whose outstretched wings filled the heavens; his sound eye was the sun and his injured eye the moon. Another portrayal of him particularly popular in the Late Period, was as a human child suckling at the breast of his mother, Isis. The two principal cult centers for the worship of Horus were at Bekhdet in the north, where very little survives, and at Idfu in the south, which has a very large and well- preserved temple dating from the Ptolemaic period. The earlier myths involving Horus, as well as the ritual per- formed there, are recorded at Idfu.”

    Was born of the virgin Isis-Meri in December 25th in a cave/manger with his birth being announced by a star in the East and attended by three wise men. The lit has confirmed what Miller offers, and I have also seen the depiction he refers to below. I have found no reference to a cave/manger — Frazer [Fraz.AAO, 8] has Horus born in the swamps, and knows nothing about a star or Wise Men, of any number.
    2Horus was NOT born of a virgin at all. Indeed, one ancient Egyptian relief depicts this conception by showing his mother Isis in a falcon form, hovering over an erect phallus of a dead and prone Osiris in the Underworld (EOR, s.v. “Phallus”). And the Dec 25 issue is of no relevance to us–nowhere does the NT associate this date with Jesus’ birth at all.
    Indeed, the description of the conception of Horus will show exactly the sexual elements that characterize pagan ‘miracle births’, as noted by the scholars earlier:
    “But after she [i.e., Isis] had brought it [i.e. Osiris’ body] back to Egypt, Seth managed to get hold of Osiris’s body again and cut it up into fourteen parts, which she scattered all over Egypt. Then Isis went out to search for Osiris a second time and buried each part where she found it (hence the many tombs of Osiris tht exist in Egypt). The only part that she did not find was the god’s penis, for Seth had thrown it into the river, where it had been eaten by a fish; Isis therefore fashioned a substitute penis to put in its place. She had also had sexual intercourse with Osisis after his death, which resulted in the conception and birth of his posthumous son, Harpocrates, Horus-the-child. Osiris became king of the netherworld, and Horus proceeded to fight with Seth…” [CANE:2:1702;] [BTW, the Hebrew word ‘satan’ is not a ‘cognate’ of the name ‘seth’ by any means: “The root *STN is not evidenced in any of the cognate languages in texts that are prior to or contemporary with its occurrences in the Hebrew Bible” DDD, s.v. 1369f]
    The one reference I have found to a birth of Horus has him born on the 31st day of the Egyptian month of Khoiak — the mythers have a one in 365 chance that this matches Dec. 25th!
    His earthly father was named “Seb” (“Joseph”). Actually Seb was the earth-god, not “earthly,” but rather the earth itself (as Nut was the sky), and he was O’s dad, not Horus’, though one of my helpful researchers tells me there is one version in which Horus was the son of Seb. And don’t fall for the etymological trick or treat: You can’t get from “Seb” to “Joseph” just by putting the names next to each other.
    •He was of royal descent. Obviously true, and Horus was often identified with the living Pharaoh, but so commonplace as to be meaningless.
    •At age 12 he was a child teacher in the Temple, and at 30, he was baptized, having disappeared for 18 years.
    •Was baptized in the river Eridanus or Iaurutana (Jordan) by “Anup the Baptizer” (John the Baptist) who was decapitated.
    •He had 12 disciples, two of whom were his “witnesses” and were named “Anup” and “AAn” (the two “Johns”). Egyptian religion scholars know of none of this. On this last Miller notes:
    …my research in the academic literature does not surface this fact. I can find references to FOUR “disciples”–variously called the semi-divine HERU-SHEMSU (“Followers of Horus”) [GOE:1.491]. I can find references to SIXTEEN human followers (GOE:1.196). And I can find reference to an UNNUMBERED group of followers called mesniu/mesnitu (“blacksmiths”) who accompanied Horus in some of his battles [GOE:1.475f; although these might be identified with the HERU-SHEMSU in GOE:1.84]. But I cannot find TWELVE anywhere… Horus is NOT the sun-god (that’s Re), so we cannot use the ‘all solar gods have twelve disciples–in the Zodiac’ routine here.]
    • He performed miracles, exorcized demons and raised El-Azarus (“El-Osiris”) from the dead. Miller notes:
    Miracle stories abound, even among religious groups that could not possibly have influenced one another, such as Latin American groups (e.g. Aztecs) and Roman MR’s, so this ‘similarity’ carries no force. The reference to this specific resurrection I cannot find ANYWHERE in the scholarly literature. I have looked under all forms of the name to no avail. The fact that something so striking is not even mentioned in modern works of Egyptology indicates its questionable status. It simply cannot be adduced as data without SOME real substantiation. The closest thing to it I can find is in Horus’ official funerary role, in which he “introduces” the newly dead to Osirus and his underworld kingdom. In the Book of the Dead, for example, Horus introduces the newly departed Ani to Osirus, and asks Osirus to accept and care for Ani (GOE:1.490).
    • Horus walked on water. Not that I have found, but he was thrown in the water (see below).
    • His personal epithet was “Iusa” the “ever-becoming son” of “Ptah,” the “Father.” He was called the “Holy Child.” Miller says:
    This fact has likewise escaped me and my research. I have looked at probably 50 epithets of the various Horus deities, and most major indices of the standard Egyptology reference works and come up virtually empty-handed. I can find a city named “Iusaas” [GOE:1.85], a pre-Islamic Arab deity by the name of “Iusaas”, thought by some to be the same as the Egyptian god Tehuti/Thoth [GOE:2.289], and a female counterpart to Tem, named “Iusaaset” [GOE:1.354]. But no reference to Horus as being “Iusa”… ]
    • He delivered a “Sermon on the Mount” and his followers recounted the “Sayings of Iusa.”
    • Horus was transfigured on the Mount.
    • He was crucified between two thieves, buried for three days in a tomb, was resurrected. None of these three can be found, either. On the last Miller writes:
    I can find no references to Horus EVER dying, until he later becomes “merged” with Re the Sun god, after which he ‘dies’ and is ‘reborn’ every single day as the sun rises. And even in this ‘death’, there is no reference to a tomb anywhere…
    I found in Budge one idea that Horus had died and been cast in pieces in the water, and his parts were fished out by Sebek the crocodile god at Isis’ request. But that’s a funny sort of baptism at best (see above). Another source notes a story where Horus is bitten by a snake and revived, which is still not much of a parallel.
    • Titles: Way, the Truth the Light; Messiah; God’s Anointed Son; Son of Man; Good Shepherd; Lamb of God; Word made flesh; Word of Truth. I found thesed titles: [Bud.ERR, 78] Great God, Chief of the Powers, Master of Heaven, Avenger of His Father (since he beat up Set, who “killed” Osiris). He may have been called rightly “Son of Man” as the son of royalty (see here) but I have found no evidence for this.
    • Was “the Fisher” and was associated with the Fish (“Ichthys”), Lamb and Lion.
    • He came to fulfill the Law.
    • Was called “the KRST” or “Anointed One.”
    • Was supposed to reign one thousand years. I have found no evidence Sources:
    • Bud.ERR — Budge, E. Wallis. . 1961.
    • Fraz.AAO — Frazer, J. G. Adonis, Attis, Osiris. 1961.
    • Griff.OO — Griffith, J. Gwyn. The Origins of Osiris and His Cult. Brill: 1996.
    • Meek.DL — Meeks, Dimitri. Daily Life of the Egyptian Gods. 1996.
    • Short.EG — Shorter, Alan. Egyptian Gods: A Handbook. 1937.

  2. Good one, Nina. Great fun. And not implausible considering those 39 castrated Heaven’s Gate wackos who committed group suicide believing they would join Elvis on a UFO behind the comet Hale-Bopp. Proof once again, if any were needed, that religious nutters will believe any story a demented leader presents with enough conviction.

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