“All this fires in my soul, and—provided I am not disturbed—my subject enlarges itself, becomes methodized and defined, and in the whole, though it be long, stands almost complete and finished in my mind, so that I can survey it, like a fine picture or a beautiful statue, at a glance…”

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

I have been undergoing a process that touches on a myriad of traits, mental process and physicality. I’m seeing a trauma counselor, who I frightened and had to go see a psychiatrist; who diagnosed me with clinical depression, anxiety/panic disorder, mild agoraphobia and who said that he had no idea how to classify my description of what I am experiencing on an intellectual, cognitive and physical basis.

The Mozart quote just summarized my experience and confirmed my own initial suspicion that the conflict and personally destructive events that I have been experiencing have actually undone my sanity and personality, and this process that I am experiencing, is my mind’s method of reaching out to familiar things (in my case, story telling) to create a framework to put myself back together.

What doesn’t kills us doesn’t necessarily make us stronger, but it remakes us differently.

Creativity and insight are not merely mechanistic, which the electric spark would be, there are other aspects to it, all aspects in fact, it is a coming together in a balance between biology, chemistry, mechanics, but also cognitive, imagination with a wild card – and being able to see the interconnectedness of all things and not filtre the framework or the data set, but find the path across all of them that makes them a unified whole, greater than the sum of mere fractal parts and systems.

This is what we can be when we are internally balanced a without artificial limits on our levels of perception, greater than….

Tis insight is what drives continuous enlightenment; hope makes us get up each morning and insight makes us think each day, about getting better, bigger – both keep us reaching for what we imagine is outside of our grasp.

We get that insight and achieve that goal, when we discover that it was within our grasp all the time – child’s play that we can only recognize in hindsight.

Only our own self-imposed limitations that hold us back, and we have no need to so hold ourselves – not nature, not nurture – but what limits have those imposed and that we accept as imposed on us that impeded us from achieving

It is the refusal to be defined by others or external factors that allow us to achieve great things, not magical, wishful, the secret or religious/prayer thinking.

doing gets results

hesitating gets mixed results

doing nothing gets no result – at least, no result worth having.

1 thought on “A-Ha

  1. Congratulations for this attempt to analyze and describe by yourself how you feel and how this blogging, that is, to express yourself the way you can do here, helps you go through this temporary undoing of your previous world and of your way of living in it.
    See you back in my blog soon…

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