Now that Hitchens is rotting in the ground…..

This atheist- naturalist would like to say something about Christopher Hitchens that might be the one thing that no one ever was willing to say or think about Hitchens.

When did it become okay for straight men to act like bitchy fags?

Seriously – I don’t like televangelists any better than Hitchens, but I was stunned beyond the ability to form words in my head never mind have a thought come out of my mouth – when he referred to whatever Telev whateever

that one who died and Hitchens opened his column by refering to the man’s festering corpse.

Because as a Canadian and as a lesbian who has a track recording of bring building across our differences and shifting the conversation from zero-sum to interest based. I am just…..mad….cold….fury……..sip sip sip

Because I am prepared to say what every single Christian felt at that moment of Hitchen’s self absorbed cleverness – but no athiests would listen to – because and this is important enough to be repeated – I do know that there are no gods, but I am not sure that there is not an afterlife, given what I have personally experienced and am not telling anyone about. Yet.

So at least, I know that all religion is – is a story that we tell ourselves about the universe and how to be in it – and I see down through history as literacy changed religion from being conveys through images and talking to reading and how all the advancement of naturalism was helf back by religion and without religion, we’d already be in that Federation of Planets – but like any prospective member – we have to get our act together and we have to get it together this year. – there are only three glaciers left and us Vikings are getting restless.

And if the world thought that the Viking onslaught a few centries around 1000 CE was bad – then I need to explain something to you – as a descendant of those Vikings who came to Canada back then and left this rich fertile land to the aboriginals – who managed to do what no European nation did – they made us leave and not come back until 1000 years had passed.

Because as tough as us Vikings were – all those little raids on Europe – that’s what we did to make the young men get out from under foot – go play in the world – while we watch the crops grow and come back in fall for the harvest…..

The aboriginals that the Europeans later came over and tromped on – you didn’t defeat anyone – you just thinned out their ranks with European diseases and treachery – and they know what the Viking know and we’re not telling you Europeans with all your high faluting civilization that makes you too stupid to understand – what every farmer knows:

Do not shit on your food. Do not piss in your drinking water.

Now that I got that sidetrack out of my system – back to Hitchens and the words he used – not to educate, inspire or enlighten – but the words he used to hurt, just because he could:

That televangelist created evil in the world – I can’t even remember which one it was, that’s how much they blur into one person to me – but no matter what he did in the world and how many people he hurt and how yes, it’s okay to be happy that someone is working through their karma – and I know that sometimes, you are the karmic backlash –

The man had a family and people who cared for him.

Even thought we can agree, that religious guy created far more harm than good – for a man from the land of John Donne, so educated and whatever:

Ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee.

Straight men do not need to add Bitchy Fag to their personas – because frankly – straight men who are too stupid to understand that

WOMEN ARE FUNNY

and we don’t have to be fat or lesbians or not-white to be funny.

speaking of words that hurt and Kathy Griffin should not have said suck it Jesus – but she was playing to the cheap seats.

Kathy should have said: Suck It Hitchens.

Because Kathy Griffin is the fucking funniest woman in America – except when she does all the reality show recap jokes, but I get it, it’s what her audience watches.

Okay, yes, i am a lesbian and I happen to be fat for my adult life – but that was ….full stop.

So with elevator gate’s ashes still singing the sensibilities of non-Alpha males who can’t see past their own penis to see that that woman is not a hole to fill – but a living breathing person who has a loooooot of guy up in her face asking to drill her

so when women are not charmed by your shy coy or whatever act – don’t be surprised if you get maced or kicked in your special place or some gentler refusal or verbal decline of whatever you think your fine self is.

Because while you have your little act and you keep trying to tap this or top that

what you need to realize is that to the woman – you’re one more face to add to the existing character profile of guys to avoid who tried that same act 2000 times before

so men who are concerned about how many men that women have had sex with because it’s gay to think about it or it’s imtimidating because wow, she’s going to know you suck at sex.

Here’s some friendly advise from a Canadian lesbians, who’s been helping men get laid for 2 decades – unpaid and rarely thanked.

If you do not pay attention to the SPECIFIC and Particular woman that you are trying to have sex with and you’re all ALL YOU ALL THE TIME

Here’s what I’ve been telling the so called straight women:

Anyone who is more into themselves than they are into you – specifically – as opposed to into you as the current woman with a hole to fill, maybe 2 if they are really licky or 3 for the hat trick…

no one who is into themselves is worth allowing to masturbate into you – any part of you – not any orifice and certainly not your date book or your time.

But, I’m Canadian and we don’t talk badly about other people – unless their behaviour is so outrageously shocking – even when – as with Mr Hitchens – intellectually, I agree with every single thing he said – especially about Mother Teresa – because I had her pegged when she came to Vancouver in the 1980s and I was a teenaged girl writing my little poems.

And Hitchens, I fell in love with because he was the first person who was bold enough to say that I was already thinking – that woman was evil to her core because there is seriously something wrong with having that big a fetish for suffering to have inflicted as much suffering in the world that she and her church have inflicted upon this world – and all the little copy cat scaled down clones of the Catholics, which because they were born in America – they think that the protestant big tent mall sized churches are an American improvement

but really, they are just scaled down franchises – all the meanness and non- of the historically established infratrure that is needed to do all the damage causing heavy lifing

because here’s another random thought for people to consider

people flocked to join the church in the middle ages so they didn’t have to get married to a person of the opposite sex – being a nun was often the only way a woman had to get away from men – at least, the nunneries that didn’t double as brothels…….

I don’t know why anyone would now – because in the modern world – in secular democratic societies – even if you cant marry the same sex person that you love – there’s nothing stopping you from building a life together

now – before anyone starts to think that I am admitting that the Catholic Church is a gay male conspiracy to fuck the children of the world

it might be a conspiracy to do that, but it’s not a gay conspiracy

because here’s what straight people don’t undertand:

for every 1 boy who is molested, 7 girls are

the average pedophile molests 250 children of either gender – and that doesn’t include the really motivated ones and that number is pulled down by not having stats on those pedophiles who never stray outside of their own children

Yes, it is terrible when boys get molested – and boys are being molested – by both men and women

but boys, especially teen boys, who get molested by women are considered by society to be lucky – no matter what that boy might feel or say he feels when he puts on bravado boy, my teacher was hot face.

and boys who are molested by men, well, that starts the witchhunt against gay men

but gay men are men who like other men – not children and not even boy children.

Most convicted pedophiles – and these are men who went outside of their families – that 250 notches has to come from somewhere – are heterosexual in their adult orientation and are heteroflexible when it comes to children

because all people – no matter their adult gender – when we are old and when we are young – there’s not a lot of differences between us during our most vulnerable period of time – dependant and not likely to be believed

I know, because I encountered pedophile who got inside my family and I stopped him and I told – and THIS IS THE MOST CRITICAL PART IF YOU LISTEN TO NOTHING ELSE I SAY FOR THE WHOLE OF MY LIFE

Believe what your children tell you – especially young children – because as much as they might seem like little adults – they have no reason to make up stories about people asking them to take off their clothes and touch them.

BUT – and this is the really important part – if the child’s parents are divorcing – then – that child needs to have their own separate lawyer – because neither parent is looking out for the interests of the child and that is – the maximum possible connection to BOTH PARENTS no matter what

Because when parents use their children to hurt or get back or whatever to the other parent – then your child has no reason to think that they aren’t the cause of the divorce.

Because you are putting them right up front and centre and as James Dean wailed – You are tearing them apart.

So what can they expect from the world, when the people who were supposed to love and protect them – used them as a pawn in a battle that they had no ability to understand and protect themselves.

Now – my parents are both alive and are still married – so I don’t want anyone to worry that the emotion in those words are mine.

Because I love Elvis Presley, but I model myself, on Greta Garbo.

And I have all the world’s tears in my heart and I am trying to make a glacier buffer so that – in the immortal words of Joan Rivers:

Can we talk?

oh, and the reason that I waited to do this blog – was partly to give time for his family to find their new level

but also because, I don’t know there’s an afterlife and if there is one, it’s entirely natural as part of how the universe works – so trying to obey what people have invented to tell about how to be in the universe – to worship said creator

all while treating said Creation – this planet we share – like a trash heap and acting like packs of wild dogs

what make you think your savior is waiting for you with anything but a hand palm?

because if I was Jesus, I wouldn’t be coming back here and I’d be long over what happened the last time – because if there’s something stopping him – it’s because he’s already realized that there was no one worth losing his mortal life over

given all the hate you proclaim against all the people of the world that loved – outsiders to mainstream society….

Hello World – Nina’s Back in Town

And I know that some of you have really missed me – because I’ve been trapped inside my brain for three years screaming to get out – but that’s okay – it’s all under control – where back where it always was – but I just got a little confused.

Here’s what confused me: What the World Says it Wants vs What the World Does.

I am not confused anymore. And I have gotten my voice and more importantly, my words back.

Because I will tell you one thing – I was so traumatized that I lost the ability to communicate – trying to tell people that I was drowning while they were on deck pointing out all the Signs and Lifeboats and stocks of life perservers.

but only two people where I worked, bothered to look over the side of the boat to see that I was in the water.

and I knew all about those lifeboats and life perservers because – as I said:

I worked in 8 Branches of 7 Departments of the Canadian Federal Government in Vancouver, BC.

And as much as PM Harper says he’s all about transparency and accountability.

I know something that Mr Harper does not.

I know which managers, in which departments, did not prepare something – now – I have to step out of the story – and in fact – I am going to end this story, right here. For Now.

As a federal government employee of Canada – I would like to explain something – now this part is JUST FOR CANADIANS – but Canada, as the world knows is small time and small town but at the same time – we were the midwife to NATO and we helped create the UN.

Canada is known for peacekeeping and practically nothing else.

And it’s not because we’re not funny or smart or as brave or have less – I am not sure what it is that the world doesn’t think Canada is capable of – because Canada is so different than the rest of the world and here’s why.

We talk a lot about the English and French divide as a distraction to keep people importantly focussed on one of the least important aspects of Canada- what language anyone speaks in.

Because Canada – while it might appear like America – if everyday was just like Christmas.

But Canada has left almost no impression on the people of the earth – because Canada is all about the back country – the snowy regions that we like to keep to ourselves – while everyone else is so steamed that they stopped paying attention to the quality of the water that you are all drinking, and using for industry and polluting.

So here’s what Canada does to not flaunt our dirty family insider laundry all over the world: Camping Rules.

Whereever you go – leave as good or better than when you encountered it.

That means, you bring garbage in, you take that garbage out.

GIGO in computer terms when it refers to the quality of the data.

But GIGO is more than camping and more than computers – it’s the essence of Canada. So I am offering you a cold splash of Canadian pristine waters to enjoy.

Because I need the world to calm down, because I have something so important and incredible to tell you that I have had to create – not one – but three different versions of a TV Show – no, wait – that’s not the part I want to tell you about – that’s about the lengths that I have had to go through, in my mind and have been pitching and testing – the project is codenamed LotusLand.

This word appears on the side of my blog – under the donate button – but I wasn’t sure, which attention seeking funny  and entertaining behaviours would catch anyone’s attention – because I had to stop crying in pain about three years ago because this is what I learn, being trapped inside a coma inside my head, while walking around right in front of people – literally and figuratively.

I went to Alaska this summer – I posted about it back in August – just the fun parts – but I didn’t talk about the parts of that cruise that broke my brittle frozen Canadian heart.

And I am not going to talk about that now – because I learned something while my employer devolved me from being a socially capable person – as the last three years of blogging as Random Ntrygg and the blogs that spun off from here – demonstrate – just how smart I am.

This is the best part – because I told everyone whether they listened or not –

I am as smart as I am a pain in your ass.

But, everywhere I go – people love me – so I never understood why whenever I go anywhere, people love me and can’t wait to talk to me – I know – because I used to go to the Breakfast Club that my local chapter of Women in Film operated.

and the one time that i didn’t pay attention to the people speaking – it was because I had just seen a wonderful woman who I had volunteered for whole year so much to get to work with that I won the Volunteer of the Year award – even though, technically speaking on her particular project – I was paid for my work. In cash.

I won the award for all the other committees that I also volunteered on – and Women in Film had a very good year after that and a while after that.

But the women in Women in Film – wouldn’t listen to me and I told them.

Being on the board is about what you bring to the table, not what you take away or worse, try to steal.

Like “Oh, I’ll do that on my company website for WIF”

To which I responded, we have over 40 members with that same company, we cannot be seen giving endorsements to the companys operated or owned or who employ board members.

Well, I didn’t last the whole 2 years, I quit after a year and a half – and I stopped volunteering for Women in Film in 2001. So if you ever saw me at a women in film function after 2001 – contact me – because I wasn’t working for women in film – I did what I did – organized Flash Forward – for the film industry in Vancouver.

But Canada plays small and Flash Forward teaches you to play big.

I never needed Flash Forward to play big, despite being a Canadian.

Deleted Side and Backstory: Summarized:

Because this is me – still panicking and getting excited – both at the same time.

and I know – and the friend who’s wall I posted this on – how many posts were between those sips. And I deleted them to take that snapshot and add that last thought to share here.

Because there’s something else that the world needs to know – about Canadians.

We only seem small town – we’ve actually very complex.

But there’s no one else like Canadians in the world and there’s no Canadians quite like me – well, other than my family – Canada’s sort of middle class Kennedys with all the scandal and none of the money to make us sexy despite our actual appearance.

Because my first American friend was right and very Canadian Geek in Vancouver hated her and I alone could adore and resist her.

Her name is Angela Jones – and she makes Jewelry as Angelwear Designs – and I lost track of Angela many years ago – so if you see her at SCIFI conventions or on line – can you tell her something for me:

No matter what anyone else in the world says or thinks about you – Angela you saved a life – in 1992 and that person is me – Nina Tryggvason.

So everything that I have ever done since 1992, gets to count for some of the good that Angela Jones and only Angela Jones with her American Bravado – is responsible for. So Anyone who’s enjoyed meeting me or encountering – when you think about what’s good in the world – think about my first American Friend – a woman that very few of the people – I shouldn’t say geeks that’s imprecise.

To the people who were members of the British Columbia Science Fiction Fan Association who couldn’t understand how I adored Angela while you all made your little jokes about making your Angela Savings Throw.

You missed out on a really wonderful person because you were too involved in those high school dates that you never had and which complaining about, ensured that you had no dates at all – even when hot blonde Nordic looking goddesses with voluptuous bodies – like Angela and,  as I was recently informed, I had.

Because seriously, I had no idea that any of you geek guys liked me and you were so smooth and silent that when my pal Geoff – told me in 2012 – I quote:

“Nina, didn’t you ever wonder, why you never paid for a single drink?”

“Drinks? I don’t remember drinking much, just sips of things that people handed me.”

Then Geoff laughed and I blushed, as it all came back to me in a rush – each and every one of your man faces, desperate to get my attention and you were so shy and so quiet and so respectful of my intelligence that you treated me exactly the way that any man who’s interested in a woman should do.

But I wasn’t interested in men, because, while I adored men, it says so right in my Mother’s handwriting in my baby book “Nina likes to be held by men more than by women”

But I couldn’t find the kind of man that attracted me – tortured artists or hippie geeks – because all the men of the kind that attracted me – were drug using alcoholics and because – I live in Canada and not America.

These 5 men that I met over my life, any of whom, I could have fallen in love with and married – all told me up front one of two things.

I am gay

I am an alcoholic.

To any woman seeking a romantic relationship with a man – you need to LISTEN to not just what men say, because men say and don’t say a lot of things.

So listen to what they are trying to tell you and compare that to their behavior.

I only dated one of the five men, not seriously, not really dating, we told everyone that we had just put a reservation on each other – because we both had our own reasons for not getting together.

His reason and who he is not open for speculation, because I still consider him a friend and part of my life forever, even if I never see him again – because that’s just how much I enjoy and still would enjoy – just having his company and friendship.

Mine were more complicated – because you see, this man was the last man that I considered as a potential partner – and instead of continuing to try to find a man – any man as most women’s standards are apparently much much lower than they should be.

I realized that men were no challenge, because all the men that I found challenging were broken and too Canadian to drag me down to whereever they were in their lives.

The Camping Rule of Dating – the Lesbian Advice that provides balance to Dan Savage’s Hey Faggot and then Savage Love Column.

Because if you like Savage Love – and you’re straight – you should check the archives for Hey Faggot – because that was the true gold in that mine shaft.

The Lesbian Camp Dating Rules:

If she is not broken when you meet her, leave her in as good a condition when you vacate the premises while loading your reserved U-Haul.

If she is broken when you meet her, you can try to fix her up, but understand that she’s been waiting for the right nice person to blame all her problems on – so only rent fixer uppers – do not ever talk about down payments.

And if you are just only less broken, or have never been broken, beleive me – it’s not pleasant to be a squatter in someone else’s broken home.

You can’t rescue anyone who is unwilling to understand that they need help. If they say that they are fine and don’t need you – then pull up, look at the facade, but DO NOT GET OUT OF THAT CAR.

sip

I’ve filled up a wading pool in my back yard, because my golden retreivers think they are huskeys and they want to splash around and pretend they are by a glacier.

Except that it’s Feb 2 in Vancouver – Happy Birthday Auntie Diane! Congrats on your new job – enjoy that New Workplace Appreciation.

and there’s no snow and everyone knows, there’s supposed to be snow in Canada.

We’re famous for it.

But there’s no snow.

And I have to talk to the world, about something that I learned this summer on my vacation to Alaska.

No matter what you know, how you know or how well you think you know about climate change, know this:

I don’t know how many glaciers were on earth the year that I was born – 1968 – and I have a little joke to tell about that. Later.

But in 2011, when I went on an Alaska Cruise with my spouse, who had to take me that far away from Vancouver, just so I could act like a normal person, for once and not talk about how terrible my workplace was and how awful it made me feel.

But I was so involved in the zero sum battle at work that the only way that she got me to agree to go was that the Skeptic Society was having a confernce – an amazing conference that I mostly slept through.

And I owe presenters of that conference an apology – because I learned in college that I retained information better when I slept through the presentation because then, my active mind could relax and allow my subconscious to absorb the material.

Which is why, I have always been able to sleep through anything and then be able to debate anyone who was awake through the material to the ground.

And I didn’t need to listen to Don Pothero’s college level course that costs $20,000 to sit in his class room to listen to the same single speech.

Because, I am Canadian, and I went to public elementary school and public high school and government funded college and university on mostly scholarships to offset the costs that the Government of Canada covers for anyone with the grades, no matter what socio-economic level they are from – to go to secondary education.

And I already knew – and mostly from Geology 12 in High School – everything that you said in your fancy college expensive one lecture.

And  I worked in 7 Federal Departments of Canada doing Emergency Preparedness, Information Management, Accommodations and Security in terms of Threat and Risk Assessement.

So – a few days ago, on facebook: a girl asked if someone could read her script – her first script and she ignored the advise of her peers because she wanted to talk to an expert.

So I told her that I was the Top Reviewer of the Zoetrope site. She doesn’t know that that site is not just for writers – but is for graphic designers, photographers and all artists associated with film.

She ignored two Expert Screenwriters who she deemed not worth listening to because she assume they were her peers, but they were just being to nice in one case and two Canadian in the other to tell her what I did.

And what I told her was that I am an Expert and I am not her friend and I am not going to read her screenplay, because asking someone to read your screenplay is as socially acceptable as removing your socks and washing them in a public drinking fountain.

That’s what I told her – not in those words, and her reaction was to “Friend Me”

and I haven’t decided to deny her request yet, because I have been waiting for 7 days to find out what she does next and whatever she does do – I will tell you all what I won’t tell her.

I don’t know who she is, all I know is, she has a screenplay, which for some reason, because I’m an expert – a subject matter expert, not a professional Film Industry expert – I am actually an Emergency Preparedness, Information Management, Threat and Risk assessment Professional by salary and experience.

and I told her that (subject matter) experts like me who are experienced unprofessionals – do not read first time writers first drafts of their first scripts.

Because here’s what I know – first time writers write amazing scripts – I know because I placed second in a Three Way Competition that was the Next Wave program – long ago ended when the Federal government started cutting arts funding.

And I had people  from The National Film Board of Canada, Telefilm Canada and BC Film,  who wanted to pay me to stay home and write, but didn’t have the funds.

And I got to met a woman who had read my work at BC Film and she moved to CBC – so when I saw her again and pitched her – I don’t need it on film, because I play her and me when I tell the story. – her mouth dropped open and then she hesitated and took a breath, and deflated, CBC isn’t ready for lesbian dramas.

So I’ve been working – hard since 1996 – to make the world into a place where all those people who believed in me – when all I had was me – because all I have ever been interested in is me – to give me those buckets of money that I saw their faces and their hands twitch and I saw what they saw – my bright future, being shot down in flames inside their heads – because no one wants to know – what I was writing about.

Damaged people trying to find a way to be hopeful about the world and their safe places in it. Lesbians and Geeks: Lesbros.

Because the world that we live in  you never know, you just never know.

I for one, never imagined a “Going Postal” in Norway – a cool and calm and cold nation, a lot like Canada – so if someone in Norway is capable of American style Lone Gunman Shithouse Rat crazy or whatever – a man in Norway tried to set the world on Fire.

That should terrify everyone – but there’s just too many fires in too many places to pay attention to where fires are breaking out in places there’s never been smoke before – just water vapour off glaciers.

ran out of steam, wow, that’s a wonderful sensation to let your thoughts wind down to where you know you don’t want to keep talking and what you want is to have the person who’s listening or reading – pause – and take that thought into their own and see what it shifts and how it settles.

Because I learned something when I went to Alaska – and I keep doing this side tracks to try to stress the imporance of what I am trying to say.

Because I was bullied in my office and I lost the ability to use words to connect with people because I had also Deleted Evil Backstory.

I learned something when I went to Alaska that I did not know – with all that I know and can imagine and no one ones but me – and a select group of writers from America and Australia that I found a way to communicate and if you think hearding cats is hard – try herding writers when you’re the only one who can’t communicate…sorry, side track that’s not relevant here.

I went to Alaska this summer and I learned that there are only three glaciers left in the world.

we need to talk about what we are going to do to save them and it doesn’t matter who think that this is their god’s plan or will or that it’s going to be okay because it will last long enough for you because:

Most of the people of the world did something that I chose not to do.

I chose to not have a child because if I took from 1996 to 2012 to make the world a safe place for me to say “Will you read my screenplay?”

what I would have to do in the world in order to feel safe enough to have a child…….