So – regular readers of my blog know some stuff about me – as a person – not as a blogger.
I am a white, middle class Canadian who is also a lesbian.
I have also said that I am at home on employee benefits owing to workplace bullying and becoming traumatized – diagnosed with PTSD, general anxiety, panic attacks, agorophobia and a list of other things – including diabetes.
Which, anyone who knows anyone diabetic knows exactly how healthy needless stress is for diabetics.
And bullying is the most needless stress – yet, it’s the most common stressor each and every one of us faces on a daily, face to face, in person basis.
The idea that a person who is being bullied would somehow misinterpret or fail to comprehend what was happening and somehow – that a socially capable, intelligent person – cleared twice by employer side contracted shrink experts to being mentally competent – would somehow confuse, misunderstand or even more bizarrely – consistently lie – and not only say “workplace interpersonal conflict that is not denied by anyone has been left unresolved and has escalated into severe and extreme workplace bullying” – and filing 5 grievances over multiple levels, filing repeated doctor supported Duty to Accommodate Requests owing to disability, a Refusal to Work under the Canada Labour Code – and the Labour Canada decision is pending – google me for details – and a pending Federal Human Rights Complaint.
I know, I have to call Joe Arvay, right?
Little Sister’s vs Revenue Canada yielded a lot of legal fees paid to a lot of lawyers and a documentary and books and a trial that should have been the one of the centurying – government of Canada post Charter interferes with certain bedrooms of the nation – but there were so many American celebrity trials that were so much sexier than gays and lesbians and their pornography – or as we described it – censorship of our art and lives.
Because other Canadian heterosexually owned book stores ordered the exact same orders of books and Canada Customs didn’t deem them obscene when the books were delivered to Duthie Books.
So if gay books were acceptable in a straight mainstream book store and the gay bookstores and gay shoppers wanted the same books – who’s community standards were being applied to the books delivered to Little Sister’s Book and Art Emporium?
fantasy sequence Hollywood Dreams take 3:
– my case is a horror movie of the week – or maybe it’s more
Erin Brockovich and Norma Rae had a baby…..
oooo – I know – they’ve been wanting to make a sequel to Heathers – my favorite teenage movie. I would adore Winnona Rider to play me!
The Department of Heathers – Veronica rides all over Mean Girls again.
reality gate crashes the fantasy – end scene as they say….
This is the thing about sanity – a sign of sanity is having a sense of humor – and this is the hard concept – all comedy comes from tragedy – but being traumatized takes away your sanity, which means, you lose your sense of humor, and as a consequence, your ability to cope with the difficulties of life.
and the meaningful part of that paragraph is that if you know someone who presents as sane but doesn’t have a sense of humour – in particular, can’t laugh at themselves or put themselves into relationship perspective with other people (ie their fellow equal under the law citizens) – then they can’t possibility be sane – no sense of humor is the critical factor that’s the sanity is missing clue…..
(note: this is all stream of consciousness, but I have disrupted the stream and done three passes through – so any meaning that continues from one paragraph to the next is entirely incidental and against the intention of this blog – so this is in effect a disclaimer that any two paragraphs are intended to be read in the sequence that they appear and any connections that anyone makes between paragraphs is their reality and not mine – which, given that I am diagnosed – well, crazy in layperson’s terms, then I don’t know how the law can hold a crazy person to account, just because they are also intelligent and a subject matter expert communicator – because anyone listening or reading, can’t really be sure what or to whom any part of stream of conciouness rambling means or is directed to or is referencing and frankly, I went through this three times and I don’t know what the connections were, or how I changed them or what I will make of this tomorrow because I was supposed to go to bed by 11 pm and it’s almost 2 am now
so I am going to bed when I finish this paragraph)
So I am – like all story tellers – an entertainer – and whether I write my screenplays and try to sell them or whether I am telling you a story in person – or telling you a story on my blog – I am an entertainer – who’s stock and trade is comedy and trauma, I mean comedy and drama.
And while bad and even tragic things have happened in my life, even to my life – I was never traumatized before. Depressed, sure, what’s not to get depressed about?
I’ve been hurt, griefstricken – but never intentionally traumatized by people who meant me nothing but harm. Because no predator had ever caught me – I walked away from a pedophile at age 5 and the Beast of BC when I was 12 – I was smart enough at 12 to not let Clifford Olsen walk off with me – but I knew immediately what he was – a predator – because he had the same look on his face as the pedophile that I met at aged 5.
and when you are face to face with someone who wants to rape you and you are face to face with someone who wants to add days of sexual torture ending with the sweet release of death
It is really not difficult to be face to face with a mere bully – be they Jock, GOP or Mean Girl – seriously – anyone ever not known when they were being bullied, by whom and for what very obvious reasons?
Anyone not realize when someone else does not like you?
So – why then – does anyone who’s being bullied – have to be subjected to the most moronic of investigators who aren’t part of said workplace – who can’t remember that “innocent until proven guilty” is a trial concept – and not the lead assumption in a non-criminal investigation into a workplace that cannot deny there is interpersonal conflict – cannot even deny the characterization of people who are the alleged bullies – because the bullying was not merely verbal or absent of witnesses – interpersonal conflict and bullying is the normal condition of the workplace.
I was bullied by 65 people – I complained about 7 of them because the rest of the 65 people were other victims too scared to stand up for themselves, but wanted me to know how much they admired my courage – but were too afraid to be seen even talking to me in case, some of my viscera got on them – so being a witness? out of the feaking question.
Eventually, these courage admirers came around to see me – to beg me to stop.
Because they couldn’t stand to see the transpormation of me as a socially capable person to being by appearance and behaviours – well, let’s just say –
if I lived in America – where I couldn’t have married my partner whom I have been with monogamously since 1994, and Canada’s common law marriage became inclusive of gays and lesbians in 2000 and Canada’s marriage act – marriage is a federal matter in Canada – so Quebec, being based in Napoleonic Code not British Common Law, was the case to force the federal hand to making marriage equal for hets and homos alike – because in ROC (rest of Canada)
Common Law marriage provides all the exact same legal rights as civil marriage – which in Canada, is delegated to each province to administer and the Provinces license religious groups and civil marriage commissioners to perform the actual ceremony for anyone willing to pay for the ceremony service.
But Napoleonic Code does not allow for common law marriage – and Quebec – a separatist province – is what forced the last Liberal Government to step up and make marriage equal for all Canadians.
But I am traumatized – and I can tell you – as a person who’s never before been traumatized – it’s no wonder to me that other people do not recover from trauma.
Because most people are subjected to traumas far worse than workplace bullying – and people do not recover from lesser work place bulling than I was subjected to – by more than 65 people over three years.
I am a Federal Civil Service Employee who’s Federal Government began in the mailroom at Revenue Canada – and continued on for 12 more years over 8 branches of Seven Departments.
Now, under a Liberal Government regime change – I moved from the mailroom as a clerk to the lower officer ranks in the subsequent department.
I averaged about 2 years per department – because depending on the job, I generally spend 3 months really learning the job, 6 months fine tuning the job and making the work flow streamlined and efficient – then I spend the next year – making the job obsolete.
Because my Dad doesn’t think that I listened to him.
And he’s told me many many things, I offer this sampling:
- People who are smart enough to run government are too smart to get involved with anything as corrupt as government.
- We have a legal obligation to obey the law and a moral one to question it.
- If you are not expendable, then you aren’t promotable.
- If you want to be a writer, you’re better off single.
Now, I listened to everything my Dad says and I can hear his voice any time I want – because I can phone him to talk or I can just replay every single memory of every single experience that I have experienced.
There’s a reason why I tell people: The Truth
And I tell them: I am as smart as I am a pain in your ass.
I am called The Integrity Fairy – and that is not meant as a compliment.
I joke that I am as smart as I am a pain in your ass, because only I know how many fingers and from which hand – that I am shoving up any given ass.
But that’s the thing about comedy – it is grounded in tragedy – and until I was bullied – at Department 7 – not the first time I was bullied – I was deemed a fat kid way back in elementary school – not the first time I encountered predators – 5 and 12 – and when you face down murdering pedophiles, seriously, Jocks, GOPs and Mean Girl Bullies – phft.
But, as I said, I’d never been traumatized before – because I have always been able to get away from people who don’t like me and who wish to cause me harm.
So I really have to know something, because there’s something that I really cannot – as smart as I am – echo pain in your ass – smart as I am
There is one thing that I can’t figure out:
Who doesn’t know when or why they are being bullied?
Because seriously, apparently, that’s the average experience, otherwise, why wouldn’t anyone at the PSAC union regional or national office beleive this union dues paying card signed up member?
Because I filed my first greivance at Revenue Canada – when it was still a Federal Department – before the liberals did PSAC union busting and made it an Agency – removing the best PSAC union group out of PSAC?
and – if you know anything about me – you will understand this image:
a pile of dog poo
three steamy coils
with a upright curl
now, it doesn’t matter how cute said curl is
it’s made of the same poo as on the bottom of the pile
now I left Revenue Canada and I moved to RCMP – where I was the workflow analyst and forms designer – landed in my actual dream job.
Now, everyone who reads my blog knows that I love Elvis.
But kd lang is Canada’s Elvis – and Patsy Cline to boot.
And I am not a singer – I am a writer.
I heard you Dad, but I got married anyway. I am a writer.
I am a lesbian and being a lesbian is not about who you have sex with or how you have sex, it’s about not needing permission from anyone for anything.
And I understand Dad that you wanted to give me the benefit of your experience – but as they say – apples and trees and monkey see monkey do.
and I told you in January – that I thought that the human brain was a quantum computer and I also said that I thought that I had been Pavlovian Conditioned to expect punishment as a result of Department 7 pattern of deny, delay and disipline while their actions were to isolate, remove from active workflow and to say they wanted to work together and resolve the conflict, and everything would stop if only
if only I would obey management and ignore all the Treasury Board Policy, because it’s management’s perogative as to how they manage.
Which is fine, unless the managers think employees are nails.
and, to be fair, most employees are nails – diversity of nails, but nails nonetheless.
but I was not a nail – I was a screw – and now I have a screw loose.
and here’s what I know about men and their hammers
women who are fuckable don’t want to be nailed, they want to be screwed.
so the next time you call a woman a lesbian when she isn’t into you
don’t pretend that it’s not actually true so realize that it’s not an insult to the woman
and lesbians aren’t concerned about any affronts to your toy hammers.
because we got lots of things in more shapes and sizes and colours
at home in our beside drawers or special rooms or club houses
and to all you straight gals out there – consider the Genetics and Choice Blog of a few days ago: