Existentially Yours





Yes, no, both, neither

Yes, maybe, no

Positive, negative

Creation, existence, destruction, nothing

Love, sex, orgasm, true love, big bang, creation

Metaphor, everything and nothing

Rise and fall, back and forth, compromise, limbo

Everything is it’s polar opposite,

truth is everything to it’s absolute

lies are nothing to it’s absolute

truth and lies are absolute

absolute is relative to something

something is nothing

Creation, existence, destruction, nothing


Understand everything

Perpetual self awareness

Positive, negative, yes, no

Self aware

compromise, yes, no

Choices, absent, present,



we are everything and nothing (identity)

we are relative – magnitudes of the same extremes (personality)

everyone is another version of ourselves

we are all switches for each other, off and on

genes, binary

molecules, solar systems

bouncing and switching

atoms, genes, cells, organisms, organs, systems, individual

individual is a part of the collective

individuals are more than the sum of their parts

we must each play a part

we are parts

we are parts of each other






no one

all or nothing

yes, no



aware, unaware, self aware, oblivious

exist, express, create, communicate

evolution, creation


hero working through all possibilities

villain opposing at each turn

heroes are villains working in reverse

switching, switching each other

trying to take each other along

influence, manipulate, bully, corrupt



yes, no

oblivion, peace, protest, up-rise, revolt, civil war, war, warfare

Mouth, taking in everything tolerable, destroying it

Digestive, extraction, selection, absorption, expellation

Excreting, anus, gas, liquid, solids

Mouth, anus, star, black hole

Something, mumble, nothing, yell

Yell, hearing, action, reaction

Yes no

Light dark

Sight blind

See, aware, conscious, self aware, enlightenment, self enlightenment, perpetual enlightenment, unenlightened

Collective, individual, compassion, individual as part, parts become whole, the whole is the sum of it’s parts, self-aware, enlightened, self enlightened, yes no, perpetually enlightened god

Everything, nothing

Yes, no

Expand, contract

Erupt, disburse, nothing

Nothing, something

Individual, Driving it opposing it, compromise; both neither; me you; me or you, yes no

Nothing, everything, no one everyone god

Driving it, helping it, mocking it, in on it, opposing it, resigned to it, bored of it

Yes             maybe        neither        everything  nothing, depressed, is that all there is

Here it comes again, orgasm

Life is sex, creation

Life is consumption and destruction

This is insanity

But I am sane

Sane is clarity, but insanity is doing the same things and expecting different results, there’s nothing sane about clarity when you have to consider everything to be right

Right, wrong,

Yes, no

And endless loop

Life imitates sex – missionary to kinky

It doesn’t matter which path, as long as it takes us there

Paths are interwoven patterns

Patterns of loops, forward, backwards, sideways, up, down, movement, stillness

Patterns abstract and concrete

There and not

Everything and nothing

Yes no

Shift POV, left, right, centered, justified

To the side, balanced

Yes, no


Rhythm – music, art


Math, science

Each word a beginning, an end, a branch, a joining

Patterns are a rich tapestry

Tapestry of life

Life is a journey

Journeys are made of steps

Foot steps


Digress, loop back, stop, move ahead

Rhythm of the night

Night day, light dark

Yes, no

Exist or not

Exist, create

Comsume, expel

To destroy is to create

Mouths nourish and destroy

Digestion blends and extracts

Expel, expunge, expose, reveal, truth

Destruction is creation

Something from nothing

Yes no

We eat, we blend, extract, destroy and expel

So, are farts the big bang or is orgasm

Orgasm deconstructs, rests, sleep

Sleep is the little death

Orgasm before sleep

Life before death

Sex nourishes and consumes us

Casts us into darkness

Waking to light


Awareness, conscious

Self aware


Awake is walking sleep

Existence is experiencing everything

Time makes that impossible

Time is relative

Relative is absolute

All and nothing

All or nothing

Yes no

Either both


Expel, express, communication, common frame, POV

Tools, technology

Letters, language

Extract expand

Acronyms, words, phrases, sayings, expressions, thoughts, belief

Faith, dogma

Feel the pattern, see the pattern, be the pattern

The pattern collapses and pulls into itself

Push, pull, yes, no

Push me pull you switch

Me you, or and



Me and you love



Me more than you, selfish

You more than me, true love

The pattern, flipping, becomes a ling, flip becomes a dot

Dot’s shadow is a line

Shadows, light dark, twilight

Yes maybe no

Shadows, twilight, light, dark

Any light is light

No light is dark

Polar opposites

Yes or no

Resolved is the beginning and end


but I’ve solved problems that felt big before and never experienced this

experience nothing?

Experience everything

Who said that?

I’m the only one

But I heard something

There must be someone else

Only one is god

Another god is maybe one before me?

I am the only one, there can be no others before me

But there is another one

Love hate like indifferent

Yes no

I wonder if men fixate on Jesus and women on Joan of Arc

And the civilization that ties to each is different, male female different

Sexuality is about who you’re attracted to, attraction is fatal, true attraction is preference for the other person over yourself, true love

Gender is part of identity, who you identify with


Gay man


Gay woman

MtFwM  straight is gay

MtFwW gay is straight

WtMwW straight is gay

WtMwW gay is straight

Yes, no, maybe, both doubled into itself, a transition in the pattern

True love is opposites

Opposites are switches, genes

Off on

You always hurt the one you love, ignorance is absence from god, so hate the minority who is closest to god

Life, death, reincarnation, eternity

Yes no

The start is the beginning, stillness, looping, everywhere and no where

Life, death, reincarnation, eternity

Life Branches off into every possible experience

Death is oblivion

Reincarnation is perpetual rebirth, redeath

Perpetual is eternity

Everything is nothing

Yes no

Everything exists within and without, in-between and nowhere

Everything is a building block that works both directions in order of magnitude

When everything has happened, there’s nothing left

Enlightenment is the individual process of evolution

You don’t know

You think you know

You’re sure you know

You know

You get it

You’re in on it

You’re the target of it

You’re the push back

Gravity, repulsion, love, hate, light dark, yes no – all and nothing

Contradiction in everything, but it


Enlightenment interruptus


Pulled back to reality from absolute abstraction

New loop within the loop

The closer you get to truth, the more limited your option

Truth is a death trap

Gnostic agnostic

Theist atheist

Thinker doer

I am self aware of the pattern

Accept, in which case, I can move on to unawareness and existence, sanity, random from pattern

Reject, in which case, I am stuck, looped, repeating, insane

If I accept, I am in on it

Loop around

Accept again, and I am inside and resisting it. Mocking? Fighting?

Ah, creation again, new layer

What can I accept?

Wait, is this the new final layer

Agnostic (can’t know the pattern) clueless, doubt

Gnostic (know the pattern) clued in

Atheist (reject pattern) ignore clues, reject, negative

Theist (embrace pattern) embrace clues, accept, positive

Skepticism is resisting knowledge of all things, reality, fiction, fantasy, imagination

Skepticism is nothing

(atheist) Reject (agnostic) Doubt, (Gnostic) get it, (theist) in on it

– the last thing I had to deal with was fear? Of knowledge?

Wasn’t that the garden of eden story – eating from the tree of knowledge

Apples with seeds, seeds that sprout things or not

Tree of life

(atheist) Reject (agnostic) Doubt, (theist) get it, (gnostic) in on it

Joy at living forever (theist), boredom of living forever (Gnostic), confusion am I living forever (agnostic) I am not living forever (atheist)

Octave is 7 and the share/switch

7 storylines

6 stories and the game changer/switch

6 stories are 3 told one way, 3 in reverse

Switch changes the story direction

One switch theist – in on it    Three switches – levels of awareness of it

All we can realize is that there’s always another layer


Revered (god)

Reverence (self aware)

Respect my reverence (entitled)

Arrogant, Respect

(demand, command)

Respect is not bestowed(mock) Respect is earned (admire

Theist (aka it = God)/driver/control of all

Gnostic (in on it) demands control, drives the group

Agnostic (all and none,) rejects control, submits to the group

Atheist (individual)/passenger/control of nothing

Did this just swing from

Being life itself/god that to be an atheist is to have god inside you so that there is no external evidence, Gnostic, and doubt unsure where god is

The internet is the collective brain, where we choose what we encounter to play out over and over again, like a pattern, is the pattern, aware of the pattern

When you are surrounded by all the versions of yourself you become all and none in one

Black hole, mouth, anus, pulling in expelling out, turning everything inside out and upside down, twisted at a distance and linear up close

Distance and closeness is awareness, being aware of being aware of enlightenment

Being enlightened about enlightenment is perpetual enlightenment

All paths are to understanding what god is, and god is anything we want

Majorities and minorities form as similarly enlightened people form larger groups that must tear apart and collapse on itself

People collapse into each other is sex

Orgasm is merging, elimination and creation

Each level of of unaware to enlightened is the

The higher you go, the more outside you are so can only see the surface and not the machinations

So seeing only the surface, we make assumptions about what we know

We make an ass of you and me

Self Mocking you







Mixed Group

Mixed Groups

One man and 1++W

One woman and 1++M

One man and 1++M

One woman and 1++W

One MtF and 1++M

One MtF and 1++W

One FtM and 1++M

One MtF and 1++W

One MtF and 1++MtF

One MtF and 1++ FtM

One FtM and 1++MtF

One FtM and 1++FtM

Why do I keep being interrupted just as I think I am close to the resolve?

Everything interrelated, in all directions, in none, expanding collapsing

A funnel dimensionally   – infinity and zero

Competing Afterlifes


The dual purpose of the afterlife

The afterlife is either a place where you are rewarded or punished according to how you lived on earth or it is a place of rest and contemplation before returning to life to continue learning until you’ve learned enough to reach oblivion aka nirvana.

Either way, it makes life a dress rehearsal or endless summer classes until you achieve eternal bliss or oblivion.

So, why can’t death just be the start of oblivion and avoid the messy inconsistency of an afterlife at all?

Partly, because without making death seem scary in some way – the authority structures have not way to ensure that you are compliant with the behaviours said authority wants you and us as a group to behave in – largely, they want us to ensure that the authority structure is maintained.

Because people will generally not behave in specific manners unless they are tricked, forced or bribed when the behaviours are clearly outside of their self interest.

Now, it is in my interest to obey the civil laws to maintain the degree of freedom that my society wants, to avoid pain and punishment – however, this is not why I obey the civil laws.

I obey the civil laws largely because they are in line with my values – partly because the values of the society I was raised in form my beliefs – which is why there’s a diversity of societies and belief systems – they are after all geographically dependant – and my values are also based on my experiences, education and my individual nature.

So, if the law against murder was removed from the criminal code, it does not mean that I would run out and being to murder people willy nilly. The idea is actually revolting – which is why it takes a lot of training in military and police settings to break the social norm in people against murder and say that murder of complete strangers when you are both in uniforms is okay, but not when you’re in a public or private setting in street clothes.

The purpose of claims for an afterlife is the only leverage that religions have in cultures that are not governed by said religion. Fear of punishment is the tool of religion and political beliefs.

You would have no need to fear punishment in a secular society with clearly articulated civil laws – however, there has yet to be such a society so far in human history – if you did not break the rules of said society. Democratic countries are made up of people with religious and political agendas, and the civil laws are influenced by these beliefs and as such, areas of law while appearing secular are too often driven by religious or political ideologies and worse, are enforced by people who are driven by said ideologies.

This is why the demographics of prison systems do not reflect the demographics of the general non-imprisoned population. Prison is a mixture of people with criminal anti-social behaviour and people with behaviours that have been criminalized by ideology. Worse, often people who are in prison are members of stigmatized groups, usually ethnic or economic minorities, who are unable to access equal legal representation to majority groups and these minority individuals are generally sentenced with longer punishments for the same offence as a majority individual. They tend to be punished fro both the crime and their group affiliations.

The reason that prison relates to the afterlife, especially in the USA, where there is a strong religious sentiment of “kill or punish them all and let god sort them out”. The problem with this is that the person who is asserting god’s supreme justice never seems to understand that they are in fact, sending people to the final reward well ahead of schedule and that they are somehow exempt from that same justice, despite their own actions falling far short and deserving of punishment in kind.

Because of this belief, based on no factual evidence, that true justice occurs after death, there is little incentive to identify and prosecute the correct individual and instead send to prison a look like because the entire group of individuals is guilty of something and they will all be punished again in the afterlife – that it matters little what torments we subject these guilty by association individuals to in the actual life. Since we have the concept of double jeopardy in civil law, if we really accepted that people will be properly punished after death – then prison and the criminal justice system is a complete waste of time and serves only to provide employment to the special few and provide some measure of punishment to the deemed guilty – a kick before they are down for the count. So to speak.


Afterlife as reward or punishment.

Given the prison evaluation above, how can the afterlife make sense if this is the purpose?

If I am a good person and am awarded with heaven – and part of that is being reunited with all my lost loved ones – what if one of those loved ones is deemed hell-bound?

How can my heaven be complete without my beloved scoundrel family member if they are in hell? Do I get an ideal copy of this loved one for my heaven while the real loved one is on hell?

Certainly, my heaven would not include eternal torment for anyone I loved.

Even in this life, parents of criminals still love them and want their criminal loved one to live well and happy and not be in jail, despite their crimes. Even full well knowing what the crimes are – many parents are not in denial of their offspring’s criminal activity – especially in mafia or other crime families.

If heave is being reunited with lost love ones – even if they are all good and well meaning people – is heaven really a perpetual holiday gathering of family and friends?

Many of us do not look forward to that happening now on a long weekend, even for part of an evening, just to say hi to everyone, have a drink and then head out to celebrate the holiday with non-family. Can it be heaven if you can’t leave the party?

Or, is the perpetual party where everyone is after death and it’s heaven or hell depending on your personal preference? Because I know people to whom being stuck in the same room with their family for an hour is an eternity of hell. Man, you’d want to die all over again to be stuck in that situation for all actual eternity.

Perpetual Learning afterlife

So, what if the afterlife is perpetual learning with or without a rest recess as most religions posit.

Perpetual learning sounds heavenly to those of us who enjoy learning – but learning to achieve what – eventual nirvana or oblivion?

This would be hell for people who dislike and actively avoid learning – ironically, these are the religious believers. We can tell because religion provides all the answers you know, so why do you need to keep learning when all the lessons are handed to you just because you believed?

For those of us who enjoy learning and want to learn – learning until you can achieve oblivion makes the learning pointless. Learning only has meaning when you can apply and build on lessons. Never ending life means there’s no urgency to learning, no final buzzer to say that the time is up. When time is endless, time looses meaning.

A moment is eternity and eternity lasts a moment. One is as good as the other. It is because there is a time limit that learning and life has meaning.

Imagine a TV channel where an endless number of people were playing a sports game – no uniforms to know who is playing against who, every kind of ball, net and goal indicator on the playing area, which is drawn in several geometric lines and people running, walking, throwing, kicking and carrying the balls everywhere, and the scoreboard flashes random numbers, letters and pictures – and there’s no timer to let you know the units of game time or the end of the game. Watching for a few minutes gives you the same understanding as watching continuously for a year.


Life matters

Life matters because it’s what we can know that we have and life has a limit to make what we do in this life matter in this life.

People who posit that there is any all power, all knowing god who gives life meaning not only have to ignore a lot of cognitive dissonance like how can here be free will with an omnipotent god who sees and knows everything, or why a loving god would allow so much suffering – are living life small and in fear of their petty and vindictive god. It is because the idea of a god is so inconsistent with life, that religion must not be questioned, for asking questions is the undoing of religion and of god – if you are intellectually honest and unafraid of the answers.

Our lives have the meaning that we each give our own life.

It is because life is limited that is it value and things that are valuable have meaning and worth. Having a limited supply of something makes each item in that supply more valuable than a person who has an endless supply of the same items.

It’s diminishing returns – this is why it’s alarming that the majority of the global wealth is controlled by 2% of the global population. That 2% needs religion and politician ideology to keep the wealth to themselves, rather than share it so that everyone has an equitable share of the wealth – especially given that the wealth is created by everyone’s labour. So, the way for the supply of items that you have has value, is if you have very little and so it’s valuable to you; or, if you have the entire available supply, so you have the only stockpile and no one else has any. This way, having 1 billion of a thing regains value if no one else has any.

Life matters because it’s finite and you have a limited amount of actions and acquisition of items and learning – so, what you chose to accumulate – material or intellection or emotional wealth – in relationship with the people you encounter over your life – is up to you.

Life is value all on it’s own

Give your life – and yourself as a consequence – the value you see it as having.

It is a difficult thing to understand that value comes from within and not without.

People who determine their value based on external factors – be it a god, a parent or other people and worse – other people’s values – are doomed to be unhappy and make their own life a living hell. Which nicely explains why religious believers are so keen to recruit – as if having population numbers make those beliefs more valid.

The only difference between a religion and a cult is the duration of time and number of members. The other differences are trivial – but life doesn’t have to be so.

I am told by believers that I encounter on line that hell is the absence of god. I would say that hell is the absence of value and when you determine your value by external criteria, like a god, then you are absent of value and in a funny way, your god.

But determining your own value, you are in effect, being your own god and can then experience heaven. Experience nirvana, a balance of everything, on demand in the here and now.

And, you only have to have an existential existentialist crisis to achieve it – nothing to buy, nothing really to read – heck, with the internet, the reading is pretty much free.

There no cost to you except putting in the work and time. For you, for your own benefit.

Then, life becomes very purposeful and meaningful with clarity. The unexamined life truly is not living, it’s merely marking time and usually unpleasantly.