“Just Asking” – Don’t Ask and I won’t Tell you Again

The American Military had an interesting policy a while back

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.

But the problem was that they applied the idea to a narrow and oppressive and illegal policy – because it was not consistent with the American Bill of Rights.

Which says that the Individual is the Social Unit of Consequence with the Freedom to Take Liberties with Whatever Makes You Happy

Because that’s what the pursuit of happiness is – being able to figure out what makes you happy.

So if anyone is made happy by offering their life in service to their nation – then, more power to them – and go for it.

I used to work at RCMP – Royal Canadian Mounted Police – and I regularly had lunch with Corporals on up to Inspectors.

But I was a Federal Public Service Employee – a civilian – so I did not have to obey any of the quasi-military stuff about standing when senior officers entered the room or any of that macho top dog underdog zero summing – that to my lesbian mind – is the kinkiest domination game that is played out in public.

Because I joked and whined a lot about how I really really wanted to be given one of their Police Hats.

And one lunch – it was me and 9 RCMP Constables and Officers – and one of the constables – and this is how Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell plays out inside Canada’s RCMP:

I am a soft butch – and you are going to get a chance to look at me – because I’ve decided to add video content to this blog – there’s two kinds of videos that will start being posted.

On Fridays – it’s going to be me Depressersizing To Elvis Presley and maybe some Patsy Cline or kd lang – not sure which

and on another day of the week – or maybe just special ones – I am going to monologue the blog instead of writing it – because – I can’t be sure – given that this blog has an international audience – if you all know – y’all know – how to read my blog – which you recognize as written English – but I am writing in Canadian English – and that is a very derivative of American and Commonwealth English.

And I do not talk or act or think much like my fellow Canadians – so when I observe other Canadians who are talking like Americans – for example – Mistuh Harper who still owes me $50 – and I asked for all my reader’s help to collect said $50……

Then I get very very concerned – because I talk like Americans in Hollywood – and Mr Harper talks as if he’s from Washington, but he really talks – to my ear – like he’s Texas – and Mr Harper is from Alberta – which is Texas in Canada.

And I love Americana – Elvis and the 50’s – so when I listen to Mistuh Harper talk – I know who he sounds like – McCarthy – only with Canadian restraint – because Mistuh Harper is the first American Prime Minister of Canada – and the whole world saw what happened under George W Bush – 9/11.

And to my mind – the only difference between W Bush – war mongering draft dodger – and Harper – economic policy wonk – is that Mistuh Harper keeps his religion to himself. Because Religion and Politics in Canada – they don’t mix – so we do not have all the sex scandals because no Canadian politician is so dumb as to Declare – FAMILY Values – because if there’s one thing that Canadians do not like to talk about – it’s money.

So there is not enough money in Canada for gay or girl sex workers to be bribed – so Canadian politicians are never brought down by live boys or dead girls.

They have been brought down by Dead Wives or Live Girls or Angry Wives who know better than to stand by that kind of man………

So – wow, roundabout way (great for traffic calming on street too, btw) to get your minds cleared of what I was going to say about the RCMP.

So – at lunch within the RCMP HQ in Vancouver – Me and 9 RCMP Constables to Inspectors – I want to set the scene in your mind – just the exact way that I see it in my mind – and then you will have a clue why I am a screenwriter of edgy character driven dramas which expose the seductive line between mainstream/fringe.

Because this is an absolutely true story about me – and it will show everyone – how I view the world and why I know – how I know that I am always right or write – I get those words confused sometimes:

INT. BOARDROOM – LUNCHTIME

Around a large rectangular table that fills the room so that people are not able to walk passed anyone sitting at the table – the chair backs touch the walls.

NINE RCMP CONSTABLES TO INSPECTOR GRADE people are eating homemade lunches, mostly middle aged white men.

ONE RCMP CONSTABLE is a a very butch lesbian who is the lowest ranked constable in the room – and is not doing anything to attract attention to herself.

NINA is eating a microwave burrito for lunch.

The group is friendly and welcoming of each other’s company – and the room has just fallen silent as people breath and eat some food before the next round of conversation.

BUTCH CONSTABLE
You know, Nina, if you really
want a forage cap, you could
apply to join as a Member.

Male constables and Inspectors nod approvingly.
Some looking to Nina for her response.

Nina puts down the burrito and looks around the room – at each and every person’s now expectant face.

NINA
Sure, I could. But uniforms are more a fetish
than a lifestyle thing for me, I just want the hat.

and if you think that our Maple Leaf on our flag looks read in the middle of that white playing field…..

well, mouths dropped open, food hung suspended in the air, people gasped and faces turned so red that the maple leaf – was no longer distinguishable because there was not a white face in the room

except mine

dot dot dot

She shoots, She scores – it’s Hockey Night in Canada –

Ladies and Gentlemen –

Nina always scores a hat trick –

and anyone who loves hockey can tell you that there are three parts to a hat trick – the set up, the sting and the score.

but most people only pay attention to the score