“Just Asking” – Don’t Ask and I won’t Tell you Again

The American Military had an interesting policy a while back

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.

But the problem was that they applied the idea to a narrow and oppressive and illegal policy – because it was not consistent with the American Bill of Rights.

Which says that the Individual is the Social Unit of Consequence with the Freedom to Take Liberties with Whatever Makes You Happy

Because that’s what the pursuit of happiness is – being able to figure out what makes you happy.

So if anyone is made happy by offering their life in service to their nation – then, more power to them – and go for it.

I used to work at RCMP – Royal Canadian Mounted Police – and I regularly had lunch with Corporals on up to Inspectors.

But I was a Federal Public Service Employee – a civilian – so I did not have to obey any of the quasi-military stuff about standing when senior officers entered the room or any of that macho top dog underdog zero summing – that to my lesbian mind – is the kinkiest domination game that is played out in public.

Because I joked and whined a lot about how I really really wanted to be given one of their Police Hats.

And one lunch – it was me and 9 RCMP Constables and Officers – and one of the constables – and this is how Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell plays out inside Canada’s RCMP:

I am a soft butch – and you are going to get a chance to look at me – because I’ve decided to add video content to this blog – there’s two kinds of videos that will start being posted.

On Fridays – it’s going to be me Depressersizing To Elvis Presley and maybe some Patsy Cline or kd lang – not sure which

and on another day of the week – or maybe just special ones – I am going to monologue the blog instead of writing it – because – I can’t be sure – given that this blog has an international audience – if you all know – y’all know – how to read my blog – which you recognize as written English – but I am writing in Canadian English – and that is a very derivative of American and Commonwealth English.

And I do not talk or act or think much like my fellow Canadians – so when I observe other Canadians who are talking like Americans – for example – Mistuh Harper who still owes me $50 – and I asked for all my reader’s help to collect said $50……

Then I get very very concerned – because I talk like Americans in Hollywood – and Mr Harper talks as if he’s from Washington, but he really talks – to my ear – like he’s Texas – and Mr Harper is from Alberta – which is Texas in Canada.

And I love Americana – Elvis and the 50’s – so when I listen to Mistuh Harper talk – I know who he sounds like – McCarthy – only with Canadian restraint – because Mistuh Harper is the first American Prime Minister of Canada – and the whole world saw what happened under George W Bush – 9/11.

And to my mind – the only difference between W Bush – war mongering draft dodger – and Harper – economic policy wonk – is that Mistuh Harper keeps his religion to himself. Because Religion and Politics in Canada – they don’t mix – so we do not have all the sex scandals because no Canadian politician is so dumb as to Declare – FAMILY Values – because if there’s one thing that Canadians do not like to talk about – it’s money.

So there is not enough money in Canada for gay or girl sex workers to be bribed – so Canadian politicians are never brought down by live boys or dead girls.

They have been brought down by Dead Wives or Live Girls or Angry Wives who know better than to stand by that kind of man………

So – wow, roundabout way (great for traffic calming on street too, btw) to get your minds cleared of what I was going to say about the RCMP.

So – at lunch within the RCMP HQ in Vancouver – Me and 9 RCMP Constables to Inspectors – I want to set the scene in your mind – just the exact way that I see it in my mind – and then you will have a clue why I am a screenwriter of edgy character driven dramas which expose the seductive line between mainstream/fringe.

Because this is an absolutely true story about me – and it will show everyone – how I view the world and why I know – how I know that I am always right or write – I get those words confused sometimes:


Around a large rectangular table that fills the room so that people are not able to walk passed anyone sitting at the table – the chair backs touch the walls.

NINE RCMP CONSTABLES TO INSPECTOR GRADE people are eating homemade lunches, mostly middle aged white men.

ONE RCMP CONSTABLE is a a very butch lesbian who is the lowest ranked constable in the room – and is not doing anything to attract attention to herself.

NINA is eating a microwave burrito for lunch.

The group is friendly and welcoming of each other’s company – and the room has just fallen silent as people breath and eat some food before the next round of conversation.

You know, Nina, if you really
want a forage cap, you could
apply to join as a Member.

Male constables and Inspectors nod approvingly.
Some looking to Nina for her response.

Nina puts down the burrito and looks around the room – at each and every person’s now expectant face.

Sure, I could. But uniforms are more a fetish
than a lifestyle thing for me, I just want the hat.

and if you think that our Maple Leaf on our flag looks read in the middle of that white playing field…..

well, mouths dropped open, food hung suspended in the air, people gasped and faces turned so red that the maple leaf – was no longer distinguishable because there was not a white face in the room

except mine

dot dot dot

She shoots, She scores – it’s Hockey Night in Canada –

Ladies and Gentlemen –

Nina always scores a hat trick –

and anyone who loves hockey can tell you that there are three parts to a hat trick – the set up, the sting and the score.

but most people only pay attention to the score


I cracked the source code

I started this blog about three years ago – when I put aside my desire to write movies and tv to entertain people.

Because I didn’t need to do TV and Movies to be entertaining – I am a one woman theatre company – Producer, Writer, Performer and Ticket Puncher.

When I started this blog – I just wanted to entertain people and light up my corner of the internet- and as I continued to read the source code of the world – the blog changed along with how much I decoded – and now I have actually sequenced the source code – I did it December 31, 2011.

And I have been re-coding said source code, ever since January 1, 2012 – just to confirm the correct sequencing – and on February 29, 2012 – the random intrigue that was this blog will be wound down and I will not be posted here as Random Ntrygg anymore – but as “Specific Ntrygg:

So, no need for readers to do anything – because Specific Ntrygg will be a new banner and be a whole new relationship that I hope you want to be a part of – because if you enjoyed random and unfocussed Nina – I can’t wait to find out what you all think of Focussed and Dedicated Nina.

Random Ntrygg has played to a small international audience as just another wordpress blogger in Canada.

Specific Ntrygg is Random Ntrygg: The Stadium Rockband Edition.

No more small venues and club dates for me, I’ve turned enough tricks to be Professional.

So – the source code crack is somewhere on the part of the blog from the beginning to Feb 29, 2012, when we’re ending this phase of the Ntrygg Blog – and are delegating aspect of Random Ntrygg to specific dedicated single themed blogs: Please adjust your subscriptions accordingly:

For: Gardening, Home Entertainment, Cooking and BBQ:

For: All Your Flirting and How to Score Women Inquiries (Men are welcome)

For – Horribly Earnest and Canadian Teen Angst 1980’s Poetry and other short fictions

For – Ninaverse Humour or, for Americans,  NinaWorld Humor:

Because I can’t be random anymore – I am recoding the source code as you are reading. But, I don’t want anyone to go anywhere – because Random Ntrygg will always be here (maybe not this specific URL, but it will always be part of the Ninaverse – when I figure out if WordPress is easy to archive, when I get 5 minutes)

But for now – the plan is to stay with this base url – ntrygg.wordpress.com

It’s just the name and banner that’s changing – because since January 1, 2012, Specific Ntrygg has already replaced Random Ntrygg.

So Under the same management and in the same location  – I am inviting the world to enjoy the next level of the Ninaverse. So I hope you stick around.

I have 85 Draft Random Posts to either post or redraft as Specific Posts – that I need to sort through while converting the site. So what’s posted from this time to the end of February – assume it’s Random Ntrygg unless otherwise specified, and in random fashion – these are posts that were too dangerous to post when I wrote them. And I’m going to let everyone wonder about when I wrote them and what said danger is and was and what it means to me, not what each of you understands danger to be in each of your YouVerses – where ever and whoever your YouVerse is.

And just to give everyone some incentive, I invite you to play a private game – one on one, just between you – as a specific individual reader – and blogger me – and here’s what you win – if you play to win:

Dearest of all people to me – anyone who gets me – whether they know me personally or professionally or virtually – I invite the world – to read Random Ntrygg’s blog posts- not randomly, but in one of two specific ways:

1. Random Start: August 30, 2009 – to Specific finish – Feb 29, 2012.

2. Specific Finish: last Random post – Feb 29, 2012, to the first post on August 30, 2009.

Anyone – any person – any where in the world and starting at any time from now to (NB: game may be terminated without warning, consider yourselves warned) when the game ends – and there’s no end date currently planned – who has read and can answer this two part question:

Which reading direction traumatized you the most – pick one: Random Start or Specific Finish?

Here’s the hard part of the question: Why – in less than 200 words – Specifically?

Now, I don’t know what answers other people are going to come up with – because an outcome of the DELETE: Tramatic Event Backstory.. is that I have become unable to communicate with people.

But I am so smart and socially capable that no one will beleive me when I tell the truth – and here’s what I have learned and can tell you straight up:

People prefer the lies they tell themselves to any truth that is presented to them – because, as the movie quote machine points out – People Can’t Handle Truth.

And I cannot handle or cope with or deal with or communicate with liars.

Worst of all, I have lost the ability to tell the difference. And, I want to to remember what my base line experience was – to understand that there were people in the world who will hurt you, just because they can.

1973 – An adult child molestor who I stopped at the age of 5.

1979 – Clifford Olsen, who I stopped at the age of 12.

So I learned early how to recognize when a person looks at you with craven indifference to your personhood – and I can recognize a predator before they ever see me, even when they are looking right into my eyes and at my face or other part of my body.

So, dear readers, I spent 13 years, working for 8 Branches of 7 Federal Departments in Canada – and I have been traumatized by this experience of being a Federal Public Service Employee in Canada – the Great White North – a nation that established a new Charter of Rights in 1985 – a pivotal year for gay equality.

Remembering, I was born in 1968 and I came out as a lesbian to the world in 1992 – sadly, after university, so imagine how annoyed I was to look back and realize how many women that I missed out on at Simon Fraser University – known locally as Super Feminist University – ah well, girls come and girls go, usually after they’ve come several times….

Lesbian humor isn’t that different from guy humour, but insider knowledge makes all the difference between a joke and a slur – no matter who is making the joke.

But, as long as America is deadlocked in a zerosum uncivil social war – then, there’s no talking to anyone about anything.

So let’s just agree to disagree – and instead – let’s talk about what’s good on each of our sides – and find some common ground – because, by my calculations – that last entertainer who could serve as a common frame of reference was also the first entertainer that the whole world could agree on:

Elvis Presley – who sang a little song, danced a little dance, just to give everyone some relief to help lighten their load and lessen their worries.

And, as all Samaritans know – no good deed goes unpunished. And punish him, we all did – and that’s why nothing gold can stay – we skim, dig and strip mine it until the source is depleted and dies – all at once or like Elvis – a little bit at a time, untill all that’s left is not even a parody, but a shade of earlier golden days.

Because seriously, Garbo was right to tell the world to let her alone and retreat from it. I get that, and I am just a middle class, middle aged, white Canadian woman who happens to also be a Lesbian Viking fighting – not for conquest – but for social justice.

And while I can recognize and avoid predators – I got into a fight that was much bigger than me and I got hurt – badly. So, now I am an agoraphobic, general anxiety and panic disordered, post-repeated traumatic incident distressed so Post Traumatic Distress Disordered, clinically and maniacally depressed and I forget what all else was diagnosed or suspected but I can assure you – Schizophrenia was ruled out – so don’t worry about me – I will be fine. Eventually.

Because while my words failed to protect me, I have my drawings to fall back on when I need to communicate something more than what I can with my limited ability to use words.

You might not beleive this – but I lost the ability to communicate before I started this blog. Full Stop.

So, that unpleasantness dealt with:

I will tell you all – there is not just one right answer – but when someone is on one of many possible right paths to said right answer – and if they can answer the question – in less than 200 words:

Why did the way you read the blog –  Random Start or Specific Finish – horrify you more than if you had read this same blog, the other way?

Then I can know if they can handle the truth.